The results are in

Looks like I no longer have amoebic dysentery. I am so happy that I will not have to stop nursing Siena right away. It is a blessing to be feeling better!

Honor your father and mother...

One thing I've learned in India is respect for the elderly. This is evident throughout the culture here.

• 80% of the elderly here live with their children.
• Older employees are always referred to as "sir" by their younger counterparts.
• Someone who does not care for his parents is looked down upon socially.

US nursing homes are such a sad place. The sad shuffle of feet, the listless gazes of the occupants, the confusion that abounds in a strange, sterile environment.

I guess this means we'll need a bigger house in a few years...

God is good, even when circumstances are not

On Sunday morning when Siena woke up she looked at me ready to nurse. I have never felt more sure of God's purpose for me than I have when giving birth or nursing my children. It is humbling and amazing that God has equipped me as a mother. It completely broke my heart knowing that I couldn't satisfy my daughter's need in that moment. A million thoughts were going through my head, "She isn't even one yet. She is still a baby. What if Siena weans herself?" It felt like the special bond was ending.

I had to go in another room while Travis attempted to feed her a bottle of formula. She screamed louder than I have ever heard her cry. It was a very long day. She refused formula from a bottle, so Travis attempted to feed her formula mixed with cereal. She eventually took a couple tablespoons of it, but that was it. She ate mostly Cheerios all day. A big thanks to the Garity family for sending them our way! :)

My sweet Travis is brilliant. He said we should send an email to all the doctors advising me in the practice. On Sunday night I received a call from our primary doctor. He had just returned from being out of town and said he wanted to call me immediately after seeing the email. He was so sorry for any miscommunication and inconvenience, but he strongly believed I was wrongly advised and that nursing Siena would be fine because the medication is considered safe for breastfeeding mothers and their infants. He said stopping the breastfeeding now is more harmful for her than the small level of the medications in my breastmilk. He said that he is confident that she would do fine and shouldn't be weaned so quickly. She was very relieved. It had been a traumatic day (really for both of us.)

On Monday night, we went to the clinic to see our primary doctor. He told me that this medication is safe, but the one I may have to take in a week or so (if this one doesn't clear up the infection) is not safe in nursing. My heart sank again, but at least I can move forward in preparation for that day, if need be. We have started introducing Siena to more table foods to hopefully make the transition go more smoothly if she won't take formula again.

When we got home that night, I felt intense nausea all over again. This week I feel like I have been improving a bit, but the progress seems slow.

Today Travis is back at work. I am so thankful that he was able to be here while I was feeling too weak to take care of the kids. Today I am still feeling pretty tired, but my spirits are up. I am scheduled to finish this medication on Sunday. The plan is to wait a week and repeat tests. At that point, the doctor will decide if the other medication is necessary.

It's interesting that one of the main reasons that I considered not going to India in the first place was because I was told that I couldn't continue breastfeeding and take anti-malarial medications. It was something I didn't want to give up.

At times I have wondered if this is it. Will I die of amoebic dysentery? Are these the final moments that I will have on this earth with my husband and children? God has my attention. I am listening.

I don't know what the future holds, but I am confident that God's plans are bigger than my own. I feel so blessed with all that I have been given. God is good, even when circumstances are not. It is awe-inspiring the way He uses our circumstances to bring us closer to Him. I am treasuring this time. When I am weak, then I am strong.

Today's post brought to you by the letter "F"

Michelle is sick, so I stayed home to help out.

It was my turn to do school, so we worked on the letter "F". It is very cool to see how excited Ansel is to learn.

-Travis

Amoebic Dysentery

After not fully recovering from my last bout of sickness, I had a recurrence of symptoms: diarrhea, fever, and the nausea, which never completely subsided. Today I was diagnosed with amoebic dysentery. I have started antibiotic treatment, but I am informed that the medicines which I am taking pass into the breastmilk at a level that will be unsafe for our 9 month old. I will have to stop nursing her on Sunday and discontinue breastfeeding for at least 11 days. After the 11 days more tests will need to be done to determine whether or not I will need a second round of drugs. I must admit I am very thankful for our doctors who were able to diagnose me fairly quickly, but I am disheartened about not being able to feed my baby girl. I nursed my son until he was 18 months. I guess things could be worse, but this feels like more than I bargained for. Still I know God has a plan in all of this. Now I just need to trust Him.

Having a housekeeper isn't so bad...

I think I am adjusting to having a housekeeper. I started feeling really sick this evening and was disappointed when she left. She is great with our kids. Our son follows her all around the house watching her clean. He tells her, "Ms. Jack-ween, kween (clean) everything all up, okay?" Is that what I sound like? I hope not. From the mouths of babes! It is truly eye-opening to hear.

Peek-A-Boo

Yesterday Ansel played with a 3 year old boy named Will at a play space called Peek-A-Boo. It has a dress up box, a rock-like structure for climbing, a huge sandpit, and soft-play toys perfect for Siena. Will is from Australia and it is incredibly cool to listen to him talk with his sweet Aussie accent. They have been in Bangalore twice as long as we have. I had a great time chatting with Will's mom, while the kids played at the cleanest, most delightful play space I could possibly imagine in Bangalore.